The Only Cure for the Ache in our Hearts

            As I look ahead to World Youth Day, God's calling me to look back to where I have been with Him. He doesn't want me to forget the many blessings and graces that He's given me. My freshman year of college was a time of such crazy spiritual growth. I was in a small group Bible  study, going to daily Mass often, and was going to Charismatic at St. Joseph. It was during this time that I finally learned how to listen to God. For me, He likes to speak through images. If it weren't for all of the wonderful people around me helping me to develop my faith, I would still probably not know how to hear Him. Now that I could hear Him, He was so distracting! (in a good way, of course) At a time when I was supposed to be so driven about school, all I wanted to do was grow closer to God and do as much as I could in my campus ministry. I was so hungry for Him and could feel His love so strongly. I was experiencing God like I never had before and falling more in love with the Catholic Church. He was revealing so much beauty to me through His presence in the Eucharist, through His saints, and through my friends who were growing in faith with me. He was filling me up so much and I just wanted to serve Him. I didn't have the strongest trust in where He would take me, but when I was trusting, He never let me down. It was beautiful how He was teaching me to trust Him and helping me to believe that His will is what will make me the happiest. Through the graces He gave me in the sacraments, I developed a stronger prayer life than I'd ever had. I truly appreciated and enjoyed reading scripture because I knew He was speaking to me through it. Having a strong prayer life was not something I had before I came to college, and after everything I experienced in just one semester, I couldn't imagine ever letting myself become spiritually lazy again.

           

            Fast forward to right now, the summer before my junior year of college. Where do you think I am now? If you guessed that I have become a lazy bum in my prayer life, then you get a golden star for being correct. As you can imagine, school got a lot more difficult when I moved out of the gen ed classes that I now miss. I had plenty of unwanted stress and distractions that I let get in the way of my relationship with God. I stopped making time for God and my prayer life got pretty inconsistent along the way. I felt like I was letting Him down after all He's done for me which made me not want to pray even more. Thankfully, through this spiritual low time for me, God has continued to tug at my heart. I know that He changed my heart in the time that I grew so close to Him because otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. Because of what He's done for me, I know what I'm missing out on when I don't take the opportunities I have to pray and serve. I'm coming to realize that even though this time has felt dark and lonely, He's using it to help me grow. Lately, I've been asking God to help me to desire Him again. And as He always does, He has answered my prayer. I don't really know how to describe it, but I know He's putting that desire back into my heart. If you're in a spiritual slump like I've been, try to find the beauty in what He's doing with your heart. In times of desolation it is easy to feel discouraged, but eventually we remember that He is the only cure for the ache in our hearts. Desolation is not fun, but it has allowed me to see how much God has blessed me, and it has reminded me of who I want to be.

"Listen, it has been difficult for me. It has not been easy. But there are also beautiful times. Jesus helps you and gives you joy. But there are also those dark inner moments, there are difficulties, but it's beautiful to follow Jesus and His path. It's a balance that allows you to go forward and that's when the beautiful moments come."

--Pope Francis